Understanding Collective Parenting and How It Works

By Mabel Ekperen

Most parents would have been in a predicament where they don’t seem to agree on how to discipline their child and in this case, both of you have solidified your stance.

What began as a conflict between you and your child swiftly becomes a conflict between you and your spouse, which makes you no longer on the same team.

Couples differ and quarrel about how to train their children at some point, after all, you and your partner are two distinct individuals who will simply pursue parenting in diverse ways, perhaps more frequently than you’d prefer. Conflict is inevitable in any marriage, especially when it comes to child-rearing.

The truth is that children can sense when their parents’ disciplinary decisions aren’t made in unison and because they don’t stick to the rules their lack of cooperation causes tension in these children, resulting in anxiety or other behavioral problems.

Kids also realize that if they can enlist the help of one parent, it’s now a two-to-one situation, with the child-parent team usually winning.

In all honesty, you don’t want to be in this position with your spouse or child, therefore, even if you think differently, maintaining the oneness of voice with your spouse is crucial in dealing with your child’s behavioral issues.

Agreeing or having a unified voice may seem difficult to achieve, but it is possible and if you follow the instructions below it will help you avoid dividing your family and destroying the united front that your child requires to be held liable and act responsibly.

Parents Must Encourage and Support One Another

Emphasize the fact that if one parent disciplines a child, the other parent should support the sanctions if the other parent opposes. Your power as parents will be undermined if you and your partner do not portray yourselves as a squad to your child.

After things have calmed down and you and your partner are out of hearing from your child, you and your spouse can talk about other options, because if you are not united in front of your child, he will find that by pitching one parent against the other, he can go over any parenting rule. When one parent is attempting to punish, they may seek assistance from the other.

And keep in mind that every time you and your partner disagree about parenting, the attention turns away from your child’s conduct. As a result, anytime your child is there, keep your attention on him or her. And talk about your differences with your spouse much later and privately.

Defer the Parent with The Stronger Emotional Attachment

If you and your partner can’t seem to come to an agreement on a topic, try deferring to the parent who has the strongest feelings on the subject. It’s important to keep in mind that the primary aim is not to always get your way but to proficiently parent your child while also maintaining a healthy marriage.

Empathize With Your Child, But Not at The Expense of Your Partner

If your partner has a strong view about something and you agree with them, you are standing in solidarity with your child’s emotions while maintaining a united front.

Your youngster will feel acknowledged and less alone if you demonstrate sensitivity and would easily follow you and your partner’s ruling.

In doing this, however, don’t make any negative remarks about your partner and make it clear to your child that this is a mutual choice, even if you and your spouse disagree with secrecy.

Make a Point of Trashing Issues When You Are Calm

The best time to discuss and probably resolve issues is when both parties are calm and collected. Make sure you are ready to listen to one other’s point of view without being unduly judgmental or confrontational.

It’s better to discuss matters respectfully when you’re calm because it also makes it easier for you to comprehend each other, which aids in reaching a consensus.

Also, learn to take a break if you’re having an argument with your partner and it’s becoming increasingly heated, like going for a walk or a drive and making an appointment to talk when you return.

Understand Your Partner’s History

Perhaps it’s tough for you to comprehend your spouse’s parenting philosophy since it differs so much from your own, and you wind up being judgmental of his approach.

The best way to resolve this is for you to give yourself to learning about your spouse’s family background and how profoundly established their views are. It may assist you in seeing things more rationally and perhaps less emotionally, allowing you to respond with less prejudice. You will gain a deeper understanding of your own background and political ideology because of this approach.

Attempt to assist one another in recognizing that safety concerns and social values shift over time. What may have worked when your spouse was a child may no longer make sense.

Pay Attention to Your Partner

Giving each other some moments to chat about why a given topic is significant is beneficial to couples. You offer yourself a chance to come to terms with each other if you can each spend a few minutes just listening to the other person without taking offense, just simply paying attention, without interrupting.

The basic fact is that we all communicate in various ways and hold different religious beliefs, which is perfectly fine. A larger percentage of the time, people usually have deferring beliefs and ideals.

The most important thing, however, is to work together so that your child isn’t caught in the middle of your disagreements.