Secrets to Overcome the Feeling of Insecurity
Insecurity has to do with a feeling of self-doubt or lack of confidence in oneself. When there is low self-esteem, thinking that you are helpless and not having what it takes to gain a sense of belonging, to achieve goals or gain necessary support and acceptance from people. Insecurity can manifest itself in different ways, unnecessary jealousy, envy, violence, defensiveness, fear, etc. It could affect relationships and how far the person is able to go in life. The earlier it is recognised for what it is, and dealt with appropriately, the better. Do you feel insecure? Are you always afraid of social gatherings, unsure of whether you will be able to flow with others or you will just not have the confidence and courage? Or do you easily become defensive or offensive even when people mean no harm, you easily assume they have some ulterior motive? Feeling of insecurity if not dealt with can deprive you of being the best you could be. Those lies you listen to, that keep you being the way you are could keep you bound if you don’t debunk them. The following are ways you can deal with insecurity:
Accept that You Feel Insecure
This is the most important part of the whole process, because without this, even if another person were to notice it and tell you to do something about it, you won’t take it serious, simply because you’ve not accepted it yourself. When you notice symptoms of insecurity in yourself, don’t dodge the truth or blame others, accept that you are insecure. Accept that it is not helpful, and accept that it is stopping you from being the best you can be. Accepting that you are insecure doesn’t make you anything less than others, it just means there are wrong perspectives, thought patterns and beliefs you’ve sustained that you need to deal with.
Take it Serious
The best project you can work on is yourself. Don’t just accept that you feel insecure and then assume security in your insecurity. Take it up, and do something about it. Give it some serious thought and effort to begin work on your mind. Not taking it serious in your mind will make the situation get worsened over time when it is not dealt with.
Pinpoint Your Areas of Insecurity
Begin to highlight areas in which you feel insecure. Are there certain types of situation that suddenly make you feel inadequate, insecure or less than yourself? Are there certain people that make you feel this way? Be specific about the areas of your insecurity, go as far as identifying the things you think in those situations, around those people or at those times that make you feel insecure. Evaluate those thoughts, are they true or they are just made up in your mind? Maybe you can’t just get out of some of those thoughts though you know they might not be true, but because of some false evidences attached to them, you seem helpless but to just think low of yourself unable to handle situations confidently.
Understand that No One is Perfect
Probably the reason you feel so insecure of yourself is because of the eyes with which you look at others, and the eyes with which you evaluate yourself. You seem to always consider that every other person has a perfect life except you. That’s not true, everyone has his/her own weakness, shortcomings, limitations and fears. That someone has some influence, money, material or exposure that you do not have doesn’t mean they don’t have their struggles. That you have those limitations doesn’t mean you have nothing to offer, it doesn’t mean your confidence should go to ground zero. Register a basic understanding in your mind that no one has a perfect life, and your own imperfections are just a sign to you that other people have theirs too. Those who seem to be more confident and courageous, taking life with less worries have perhaps learnt ways of dealing with their imperfections, you should too.
Identify the Causes
It is important for you to search out the root of your feeling of insecurity. Is your insecurity tied to some unpleasant event in the past? Were you bullied as a child? Abused? Often cheated? Unloved? Lonely? Was there a traumatic event in your past that really affected you, a divorce? Loss of a loved one? And all that just makes you loose all the confidence in yourself and probably everyone becomes a suspect of what you have suffered in the past. Go down to the roots of your insecurity, this will help you to know what exactly to focus on and attack.
Reflect on Good Memories
As against the thoughts that sap your courage, confidence and happiness, there should be memories you can deliberately look back on to remind yourself that you are better than what your cage of feelings about yourself have presented to you. Don’t think you don’t have what it takes to gain a sense of belonging, as if others were all better than you were, think about achievements that you’ve had in the past as well, remind yourself of the qualities you have demonstrated in times past, begin to see yourself from the right perspective and love yourself. When you begin to truly love yourself, regardless of who is above you or below you in rank in any institution or gathering, you have this sense of fulfilment that keeps you in the right state of mind to relate with everyone around you confidently and to handle situations effectively.
Get Help from a Therapist
If you think you will need a professional help to really pull you out of the spell of insecurity, then you should consider meeting a therapist that can help you on the matter.
Learn from Others
You are not the only one who has the problems, limitations, weaknesses, personality or challenges that you think you have. If you see someone who you think or know has the same issues or situations you have but is handling it better, and not falling under the weight of insecure feelings, observe how they deal with those situations, learn and see if you can apply their method. You could even walk up to them to seek some help and insight as to what you could really do to handle your insecurity.
Feed Your Mind Correctly
The things you keep hearing, seeing, reading and feeding your mind with will definitely affect you. Go for books and tapes that can boost your self-esteem. Resources that can form a new picture of you in your mind and get you to begin to think more positively, confidently and with more understanding of life generally are the ones you should go for. Soak yourself in these materials until they form your thought pattern, language pattern and life pattern. Don’t give time to meditate on things that could strengthen feelings of insecurity within you.
Stay Around the Right People
Avoid the people who make you feel less of yourself and insecure, stay around those who love and appreciate you, those who can speak of your imperfections in a way that won’t induce insecurity in your mind.
Allow the Process
Overcoming insecurity is not a day’s job, so you should not become discouraged too quick if you are making efforts, but you still notice some feelings of insecurity. Allow the process, keep making appropriate efforts and allow the time the process needs.
Be Open to Criticisms
Don’t fuel your insecurity by hating and fighting criticisms. Seek to improve. Appreciate the right criticisms and work on yourself to correct necessary things.